The People We Like but Sometimes Avoid

There is a particular kind of person you meet in business who makes you realise that good intentions and good company are not always the same thing.

I have one such person.

Let's call him James.

James is a genuinely good man.

He means well. He is honest, hardworking and, as far as I can tell, genuinely wants to help. If you have a problem, he will try to solve it.

Sometimes, unfortunately, he will try to solve it ten times.

James has a remarkable ability to turn a simple matter into a small administrative project.

You agree on something at 9:00 a.m.

By 9:15, he has called to confirm it.

At 9:27, he calls again because he is wondering whether you really meant what you said.

At 9:43, there is another call.

By lunchtime, I am beginning to question whether we ever had the original conversation.

And then there are the journeys.

James can travel an impressive distance to deliver something that could probably have been sourced five kilometres from where we are working.

You look at what he has brought and wonder, "What exactly were we trying to achieve here?"

But the funny thing is that I know his heart.

He isn't trying to frustrate me.

He is trying to help.

That is what makes it complicated.

Good People Can Still Be Tiring

As I have grown older, I have realised that we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that if someone is a good person, we must necessarily enjoy being around them all the time.

Not true.

You can genuinely like someone and still need a little distance.

You can appreciate their heart while finding their behaviour exhausting.

You can trust someone's intentions while questioning their judgment.

Human beings are wonderfully complicated creatures.

We don't come neatly packaged into categories labelled good and bad.

Someone can be kind, generous and dependable—and still drive you completely mad.

Sometimes before 10 a.m.

Construction Makes This Very Obvious

On a construction site, relationships are rarely theoretical.

People have to deliver materials, solve problems, make decisions and keep things moving.

There isn't always time for a twenty-minute conversation about something that could have been settled in thirty seconds.

Yet some people need to talk through everything.

Then talk through the conversation.

Then confirm what they understood from the conversation.

And then call you to make sure you remember the conversation.

At some point you begin looking at your phone and hoping it is someone else.

Not because you dislike the person.

You just need a little oxygen.

Perhaps We All Have Our Version of James

The more I think about it, the more I realise that this isn't really about James.

Most of us have somebody like him in our lives.

And, if we are honest, we may be somebody else's James.

We all have habits that other people tolerate because they value us.

One person talks too much.

Another worries too much.

Someone else is always late.

Another person wants everything done immediately.

Somebody sends long WhatsApp messages when three words would have been enough.

We notice these things in other people because they irritate us.

We are less gifted at seeing them in ourselves.

Good Intentions Matter

There is something comforting about knowing that underneath James's exhausting behaviour is a good heart.

It reminds me that not every irritating behaviour is malicious.

Sometimes people are simply wired differently.

Some people overthink.

Some over-help.

Some over-communicate.

Some are anxious about getting things right.

And some have a strange relationship with distance, time and common sense.

But they mean well.

Perhaps the mature response is not to label them difficult people.

It is to understand them, establish reasonable boundaries and appreciate the good without pretending the difficult parts don't exist.

I still use James.

I still like him.

I still appreciate what he brings to the table.

I just don't always answer the phone.

And perhaps that is a perfectly reasonable compromise.

Because life has taught me that relationships don't require us to enjoy every aspect of another person.

Sometimes they simply require us to recognise the good heart underneath the irritating habits.

And occasionally, when that phone rings for the eighth time before lunch, recognising the good heart means letting it ring.